Author Archives: Steve

Famous T-Shirt Lines Of The 90’s

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In 1994, the human chest was the most direct way of letting the world know who you were and who you aspired to be. In a pre social-media world, a T-shirt was the most direct way to express affiliation with a brand, subculture, or even where you stood on the O.J. Simpson trial or Tonya Harding v. Nancy Kerrigan — it was 1994, after all.

Thanks to a few enterprising brothers, the new apparel options were plentiful: For the Mellow pothead or spiritual bro, there were Beach Bums, Peace Frogs, The Mountain, Life is Good, Tropix Togs and Hypercolor. Aggro or sporty dudes had AND1, No Fear and Just Hafta. Then, of course, the most infamous and fondly-remembered of them all: the “I’ve-gotta-big-one-and-bigger-attitude” who wore Big Johnson, Coed Naked and Big Dogs.

For simplicity’s sake, let’s call these novelty shirts “D-shirts” or “Douchebag shirts,” whichever you prefer. Most of these D-shirt brands as we knew them are, for all intents and purposes, defunct.  And while several of these companies toed the line of good taste in the early 1990s, their products almost seem quaint today when compared to the calculatedly hateful marketing practices by major brands such as Abercrombie, American Apparel or Urban Outfitters in this millennium.

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Big Johnson

Craig and Garrett Pfeifer first started printing tees in 1986, modest screen print jobs where they’d produce shirts or sometimes promotional items like keychains, mousepads or even embroidery for clients. “We were based out of Baltimore, where the Preakness is held,” Craig Pfeifer says. “And the hottest T-shirt at the Preakness back then was a shirt called Big Pecker’s. It was for a local bar, Big Pecker’s Bar & Grill, which only served chicken. We thought it was funny, so we came up with an idea of doing Big Johnson—like Big Pecker but with Johnson Surfboards.” So they commissioned an illustrator to design the key character in the Big Johnson universe. E. Normus Johnson is a skinny, nerdy, ginger teenager (basically, a caricature of the brothers’ core audience), often surrounded by busty white women.

In 1989, Big Johnson started getting orders from West Coast retailers like Pacific Sun and Pacific Eyes & T’s. And so, the brothers expanded the line to include dozens of designs, hitting upon all sorts of male archetypes: firemen, weightlifters, golfers, whatever.  And just about all of these sexual innuendo t-shirts was a hit. The market had spoken: It wanted big dicks! Maybe it was a rebuff to the alleged ‘90s PC-ification of pop culture or a way for white brothers to hold onto a slipping sense of power. Either way, at its peak, Big Johnson would sell $14 million a year in tees!

But by the mid- to late-1990s, the king of big dick puns had run soft and flaccid. Craig Pfeifer attributes this to several factors: “When Hot Topic and Spencers came in, they wiped out all the mom ‘n’ pop T-shirt shops,” he explains. “Pacific Sun even knocked us off. After not buying from us for three years, all of a sudden Big Johnson baseball caps started popping up in their stores again. They told us, ‘Oh, we didn’t know. Our salesperson took it in, and they said we’ll buy them from you.’ But they never bought from us again.” Pfeifer had Big Johnson copyrighted in the U.S., but he and his brother figured that their company didn’t have the legal muscle (or money) to stave off the overwhelming competition.

Rip-offs weren’t just a domestic issue either. “Big Johnson was the number one bootlegged shirt in Brazil,” Craig Pfeifer says. When he and his brother tried to copyright it in Latin America, “there were 10 other people trying to get the Big Johnson trademark ahead of us. One of them was the biggest chain of retail department stores down there; they were selling everything in Portuguese.”

By 2001, Pfeifer says, “The phone stopped ringing. It took three years to get our shirts across the United States. There were another three years of strong sales and then probably three years of declining sales.” He sold his share of the business to his brother, getting out of what had evolved into an increasingly vicious retail market dominated by pop culture licensing and big-gun conglomerates like Iconix.

Today, Pfeifer’s Big Johnson life is long gone: “I have four daughters between the ages of 12 and 17, so I don’t wear the shirts around the house. I do, however, have a 6-foot tile picture of [E. Normus Johnson] on the bottom of my pool.”

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Coed Naked

Scott MacHardy purchased the trademark for Coed Naked in 1991 with partners Mark Lane and Chas Folick. Their tees had similar sex puns to Big Johnson, but they were initially focused more around college life and less around blue-collar hobbies like fishing and hunting. Shirts like “Coed Naked Diving: Everything Looks Bigger Underwater” and “Coed Naked Lacrosse: Rough, Tough, and In the Buff riddled the East Coast.

The first coeds to “party naked” were at the University of New Hampshire, MacHardy’s alma mater. The company quickly spread to New England resort shops and roughly 10,000 smaller independent retailers. Like its contemporaries, the brand’s designs eventually broadened to include other professions such as: police officers (“Coed Naked Law Enforcement: Against the Wall and Spread ‘Em”) and firefighters (“Find ‘em Hot…Leave ‘em Wet”).

“People got pretty nervous when they saw the word ‘naked’ on a T-shirt at that time,” MacHardy says. “You wouldn’t even blink now. But back then, the double entendres we used as catchphrases would make people blush, which was also the magic of the product.”

Despite all the talk about naked flesh, the Coed partners did receive mainstream acknowledgment for their business acumen. They won the 1995 National Young Entrepreneurs of the Year Award from the United States Small Business Administration and traveled to the White House to attend a Rose Garden ceremony with President Bill Clinton. They brought the President a T-shirt: Coed Naked Interns.

By the start of Clinton’s second term, though, Coed Naked’s popularity took a dive. The shirts had already seeped into high schools through resort shops and via the hand-me-down network — where the tees were inevitably gifted downward to younger siblings. It didn’t help that high school administrators weren’t huge fans of the shirts. “They started putting in dress codes,” MacHardy explains. “They said, ‘You can’t have pink hair or piercings and you can’t wear Coed Naked shirts.’ At first we were flattered, but eventually, it took a toll because parents didn’t want to spend money on apparel that their kids could only wear in the summer.” College kids eventually stopped wearing the shirts, too. They had no interest in wearing a brand their younger siblings now adored.

To the naked eye, Coed Naked’s glory days seemed, rather abruptly, over. But not completely: Coed’s parent company still operates and produces unsexy, domestic apparel screen printing and embroidery production for bigger brands like New Balance and Reebok.

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Big Dogs

Big Dog got to the blue-collar conservative mentality long before Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy were household names. Their tees featured an amalgam of macho ideologies, jokes about pop culture and “get-off-my-lawn” grandpa-isms. The company ultimately transcended its novelty-shirt roots, somehow becoming a lifestyle empire. And at the height of Big Dog’s retail powers, it had as many as 220 stores operating across the country.

Its customers were just as big. The brand went up to size XXXXXL, a nod to the idea of being oversized as a lifestyle choice: “You don’t remember the medium-sized guy wearing the funny T-shirt. You remember the guy that’s a XXXXXL.” Most importantly, the Big Dog consumer believed in the “Big Dog attitude”: “You wanna be the top dog. You wanna be the lead dog. You wanna be the big dog.”

Surprisingly, however — despite all of the relatable Big Dog activities (e.g., “Fishing at the Crack of Dawn” and “If You Can’t Drive With The Big Dogs, Stay Off The Range!”) — Big Dogs’ best-selling T-shirt was a South Park parody, one they called “South Bark.” “Oh My God, they fixed Kenny!” it reads. Big Dog Sportswear Director Steve Dawson admits: “Of the thousands of shirts we made, that shirt outsold everything. And it’s the most rudimentary art ever.” (Not to mention a rip-off itself.)

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Today, Big Dog has refocused and doubled down on its clientele and its e-commerce offerings, with continued success, in part because it’s filled the space left wide open by the other fallen D-shirt brands. All the while, as Dawson explains, its sense of humor has swelled to a broader, more generic version of internet-friendly ersatz and vaguely threatening catchphrases. “If there’s a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there,” says a Dog in sunglasses, flexing his dog-biceps on a newer shirt design. Another reads: “Shutting the f#$@% up is gluten free; add THAT to your diet!”

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Life Is Good

Another set of brothers, Massachusetts-reared Bert and John Jacobs, spent the early ‘90s thanklessly trying to sell bland music-inspired T-shirts up and down the East Coast. They would hit up neighborhood fairs, campus quads and dorm rooms.  The region is known for the highest density of colleges and universities in the world, often getting kicked out for pushing the envelope with campus security and overstaying their welcome. “For some crunchier schools, like the University of Vermont, the shirts would connect,” remembers John. But mainly, the brothers sold just enough shirts to live above the poverty line.

Everything changed, however, in 1994. As was their custom after returning from a road trip, the brothers threw a backyard kegger where they pinned up new designs on the wall and asked their friends for feedback. One design had everyone talking: A stick figure hanging out in an inner tube. They named him “Jake,” a stick figure who always seemed to be having a good time and who ultimately became the face of their cash cow, a line of shirts they dubbed “Life Is Good”.

The brand’s appeal is so reductive and simple that it hasn’t wavered — even 20 years later. In fact, it’s become a symbol of the pan-spiritual affirmation of life. For instance, after the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing, which took place mere blocks from their corporate headquarters, the brothers released a charitable tee. “We looked at what was already out there,” Bert explained to Inc. “A lot of ‘Be Strong’ and ‘Boston Strong,’ that tough Irish mentality. I don’t knock it. But it’s almost like they’re suppressing emotion: We’re so strong, let’s just move on. Life Is Good focuses on what’s right in the world.”

The shirt became their fastest-selling product to date.


So in the end, is the lesson of the D-shirt, that nondescript spiritual positivity is the key to longevity (and life)? Or is it all some cynical capitalist joke?

After all, the 1990s D-shirt businesses seemed to last in proportion to how edgy they were trying to be — the edgier they were, the quicker they flamed out. While it’s easy to see that most of these shirts’ cardinal sin was that they were more unfunny than mean-spirited, the people behind these companies are a thousand times less problematic than the T-shirt tycoons that followed — men like Dov Charney or Mike Jeffries (both of whom no longer run their respective companies, American Apparel and Abercrombie & Fitch). The former was accused of sexually assaulting his models and the latter publicly stated he doesn’t want “fat or unattractive people” wearing his brand. It’s one thing to print a shirt that’s an archaic jab at women; it’s an entirely different thing to sexually harass everyone you come in contact with.

If anything, the D-shirt mini-moguls of the ‘90s are really only guilty of one thing: Being corny. The D-shirts, as intentionally trivial as they were, are a cultural artifact — a visual correlative for a bygone, chaotic end-of-’90s America where tiny, non-tech startups could momentarily get a seat at the table. A time when your dumb little idea could become a kinda-sorta big deal for a couple years without having to go through giant gatekeepers. A time when you could get away with wearing your heart on your sleeve and didn’t have to worry so much if you were being ironic, post-ironic or normcore. It was just who you were.

Can someone claim riches through the creation of a theme-style D-Shirt today?  Probably not.

Jonny Coleman is a writer, music supervisor, and self-facilitating media node. His work has appeared in Pitchfork, Playboy, FACT, Vice, and other corners of the infinite content hole.

Those Giant American Flags That Cover A Football Field?

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While watching football this past weekend, you probably noticed the gigantic, enormous and most likely hard-to-handle American flags that cover an entire football field before each game. You probably have also wondered what the cost is and just who makes these things?

Turns out that American Flags Express happens to specialize in such monstrous items and loans (rents) their biggest Stars and Stripes to NFL teams for opening weekend and other events. Those flags, by the way are 160 feet by 300 feet long and for the most part, covers the entire playing field with exception of the end zones.  They are so huge that each star is 10 feet across and each stripe is over 12 feet in depth.

Requiring 1,500 pounds of fabric, the oversized flags usually take 30 – 40 days to manufacture. When stretched on the field, about 180 people are needed to hold the flag stationery. The flag costs NFL teams approx $6,500 to rent for a single event and seeing one from the stands is an awe inspiring site.

Oh, I almost forgot, the cost to make one of these beauties? A mere $50,000.

In The Philippines It’s Okay To Steal, But If Caught With Drugs……

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Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte is among the elite of the world’s most insidious, hypocrite tyrants.

Prior to meeting with President Obama this week, he referred to the president as a “son of a bitch” if Obama decided to inquire about the 2,000+ killed for alleged drug use and distribution since Duterte took office in June.

Apparently in the Philippines, its okay to steal identities, credit card accounts and especially be a global leader in software piracy.  Although if caught with a miniscule amount of an illegal substance, its off with your head!  Oh yes, and don’t get caught cutting down trees illegally as this seems to be a death sentence as well.

What’s alarming to me however is the Philippines, their law enforcement and their president seem to have no issue whatsoever with massive software piracy and distribution.  I’ve reviewed accurate reports estimating 80% or more of all software used in the Philippines is illegal. And if that’s not bad enough, this activity also includes software installed to government computers!

Obviously, all the major software developers such as Microsoft and Adobe to use as an example are aware of this.  In fact, Microsoft has looked deeply into the illicit activity in the past and more or less extended an olive branch to the country, well, primarily to its government offices although its still unknown if anything has been resolved.  If it involves the government to actually PAY for licenses, I would imagine the status-quo remains intact.

I’ve also been told from a reliable source that an estimated 90% of all Adobe products in use within the Philippines are pirated.   Therefore, it looks as though Adobe’s efforts to thwart piracy with the implementation of Creative Cloud isn’t working as well as anticipated.  At least on that small island nation in Southeast Asia.

In defense of the Philippine people and other Southeast Asian countries however, their economies are weak along with wages being low for the majority.  Although, the big software firms aren’t blind to the economic conditions and usually offer products at a lower cost when compared to the United States or employ other cost saving incentives.  Usually, this does little to help as it’s either not enough, along with the general consensus being that all software should be free so in effect they’re not stealing, at least in their minds.

The real joke here is every so often, the Intellectual Property Office of the Philippines conducts a raid of suspected high volume users of pirated software.  These “Intellectual Property Raids”, (see oxymoron) usually target schools and colleges which result in a few hundred DVD’s being confiscated.  Basically, the activity is similar to putting lipstick on a pig to create the illusion that intellectual property rights are being enforced.  Believe that and I have a nice bridge in Manhattan to sell you at a discount.

Time To Update This Site And Begin Writing Again!

Most of you know me as Steve, the UltraSeps and QuikSeps guy.  And yes, those software products for the t-shirt screen printing industry are what I’m primarily noted and known for.  Although its not the only thing I do, as I’ve owned many different types of businesses in both servicing and manufacturing and have written a daily, fee-based financial newsletter many years ago which was somewhat successful.

I’ve also worked with an investment bank as an advisor along with trading commodities such as crude oil and natural gas futures along with trading futures contracts on the S&P 500.  As I no longer participate as a professional trader, one of my passions continues to be the equity (stock) market and am highly active with that on a daily basis.  Another of my interests aside from craft beer, good cigars, football and golf is music.  A day doesn’t pass without getting behind the drum kit or picking up a bass guitar.

But that’s enough about me……This blog has been stagnant for years and I have decided to get back into writing if not on a daily basis, at least several times weekly.  I’m not into Facebook and Twitter is far too restrictive although will use the platform at Twitter when new articles are posted.

Everyone won’t agree with everything I say as one can’t please everybody, although I think most will find the opinions and inforation both informative and interesting.

Thanks for listening!

Steve